Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
