Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
