ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
