So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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