the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
