i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
