just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
