I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
