New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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