dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
