are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
