She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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