Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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