did you get engaged???
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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