we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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