I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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