Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
