i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
