tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
