just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
