I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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