Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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