I think I died a long time ago.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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