you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
