Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
