If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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