Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
