a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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