My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
