Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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