Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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