Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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