He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
