probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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