Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
