Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
