i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
