you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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