you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
