just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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