That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
