i will never coherently bang her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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