i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
