I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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