apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
