very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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