seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
