I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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