also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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