she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
