now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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