im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
