So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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