You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
