I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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