she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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