Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize