what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
