I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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