when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
