Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I puked a lego.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
