apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
