I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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