apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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