Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my shit smells like andre
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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