don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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