Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
